Sincerest Goodbye.

Pain killers never really kill the pain.
And your voice is driving me insane.
I see your body through the trees.
And your face is fucking killing me.
I always run away, but never fast enough.
Gouge my eyes;;Spill my guts.
Put the pistol to my skull.
But the trigger, you'll never pull.
My eyes shut tight.
I'm waiting. WAITING.
Open just one.
You're shaking. SHAKING.
Grab the barrel && pull it closer.
Crack a smile.
Steady.
Focus.
Click.
Clang.
Silence.
BANG.
The shot did miss, but hit my heart.
Good thing you already tore it apart.
Because this would hurt so fucking bad.
Stop pretending to be so sad.
I'm happy now.
You did the deed.
I was suffering, sick.
And you were killing me.
Your favorite joke.
My favorite lie.
Your last hello.
My sincerest goodbye.

3/14/07.

Greater Than 3.

----

And you call yourself a heart.

All you ever did was break.

I don't have enough strength to stitch you back up this time.

So I'm just going to throw you away.

You're a piece of shit.

I can't use you anyway...

My Head Will Explode On Impact.

Fuck time && everything that comes along with it.

It doesn't make me feel any better;;maybe worse.

I'm burning your letters.

JUST FUCKING DO IT!!

Just pull the trigger;;Take the gun && SHOOT IT.

My heart or my head, I don't care which.

Hurry do it or you're a bitch.

And don't close your eyes.

Watch the bullet the whole time.

And when you rip out my heart, you better run for your fucking life.

Because I will find you.

I'm not going to make it && you're the cause.

Flip the switch so they can applaude.

You've got me right where you want me.

And I deserve every second of this.

I never thought you'd ever mean this much to me.

But now you mean EVERYTHING.

And I need you more than life itself.

SO PLEASE, RIP THE KNIFE FROM MY DEAD FINGERS!!

The Knife.

The knife that always befriended me is sitting on the sink.

The sun is glinting off of it && it's getting hard to think.

The knife I hate so much, does not deserve a glance.

And as I get off the floor, I know I don't stand a chance.

2/26/07.

The Calling

--------------

Out of site, out of mind, right?

I'm about to pull an out of body.

How does that sound for a road trip?

And so whatever I do means nothing.

I could die && that's the only way to get 5 minutes of fame.

Don't let me get that far.

Promise to catch me before I fall too deep in this hole you've dug for me.

I tripped.

I fell;;Knocked myself unoncious on the tombstone you had engraved for me.

I seem to be running, but I'm making no progress in getting the FUCK away from you.

I'd say sorry, but I already cut my tongue out so I couldn't give you the pleasure.

6/24/07.

Better Looking Brand

--------------------------

So you traded me in for a better looking brand.

One without psychotic abilities.

One that won't love you unconditionally.

And I'm left with nothing.

I should've seen this coming summers ago.

But you never gave me the chance.

In fact, you weren't even thinking of giving me one.

And I hope some sort of motorized vehicle hits your body && your remains paint the pavement.

And you can sit there && love her, but I'll always pretend.

You broke my heart;;It didn't bend.

And just so you know, this wound won't ever mend.

And now I'm bleeding from every romantic pore on my body.

And I'm screaming out your name, but things won't change, but they'll never be the same.

And the hatred will remain && it will grow.

But you'll never know.

Maybe sometime we could fix this && feel okay.

I'll be dead before that day, I promise.

Because you have dug me the shallowest grave possible.

The dirt doesn't even cover my face.

But you left me here to rot on purpose.

Fuck you, bitch.

You don't deserve breath.

9/1/06.

Done

------

Watch me shatter just like before.

I'll run away;;Straight through the door.

I can't keep promises, but I can drop lies.

Now I guess it's me that you despise.

Got the key && locked the door.

All because I ruined you before.

Rip me in half && crack a smile.

We'd only feel good for a little while.

7/21/06.

Dead

------

The razor is blue && the razor is shiny.

So watch where you step because the razor is tiny.

It fell on the floor when I was done.

Leave me alone because you've finally won.

5/26/06.

Shaking Baby Syndrome

-----------------------------

Run as far away from me as you can possibly get.

Loving you was my worst idea yet.

And for all the times you hurt me are my favorite times to say.

Grab your pistol, cock it && just shoot me in the fucking face.

Don't talk to me like I still exist

or

your face will meet my fucking fist.

And I'll blow your brains out all over the wall.

I never cared for you at all.

So go get drunk with all your friends.

My love for you is coming to an end.

With all your bullshit, I am done.

Pull me out of this shaking baby syndrome.

7/12/06.

Let You
--------

One of these days I'll say goodbye && mean what I say.

"Hey, I'm just calling to let you know that I'm blowing myself away."

You're my absolute favorite && I fucking hate that.

I'll pick up the .45 && never look back.

And I'll run so fucking far away that I never cross your mind.

And you can do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind.

I already ripped my heart out && threw it at your feet.

So you can't fucking touch me && you will never fucking see how much you fucking mean to me.

You will never fucking see;;

Never see the pain, eating me;;

Never see the insanity rotting in my brain;;

Never see your fucking face that's driving me insane.

Leave me alone;;

To die.

To scream.

To fucking hate you.

But I just know I'll stop dead in my tracks && let you find me.

Let you break me.

Let you buy me.

Let you see inside me.

Let you kill me.

Let you sell me out.

Let you play me.

Let you think me dying is funny.

Let you know me.

Rip apart my rib cage && try to understand.

I just want your company or to hold your fucking hand.

All that I'll ever ask of you is to never tell a lie.

And if I really need to, please, just let me die.

And when I'm scared && lonely, let me be with you.

And don't get scared when all I think about is you.

And late at night while I'm sleeping, please creep into my head && take away my nightmares && fill my dreams of you instead.

And when nobody can find you, please call && tell me where.

And never think about you, I never ever cared.

Because you're my only one && my heart knows only you.

So please tell me that you'll always love me too.

I'm SO Done.

Maybe I can't think whenever I see paper because all I write is you.

Maybe I've been crying in hopes you'll love me too.

If God is love, then why does love make people cry?

Give me something else to sing this sorrow too;;

Possibly the soundtrack to your funeral...

...That I won't be attending.

I'm still planning my getaway to get away from you FOR GOOD!

I'm not coming back to this cemetary state.

A tree would make for the perfect target for my car.

With you, unconcious, in the passanger seat.

We all know where this was going, right?

Nothing more than friends.

Always grabbing me right when I'm about to get away from you.

And I'm so fucking exhausted from trying to make myself happy && then crying my eyes out every night, that I don't think I'm making it this time around.

You can only hurt this bad for so long.

You can only cry so many memories out of your system, but they always come back.

ALWAYS.

10/2/06.

Father

--------

Father, why won't you cut the rope?

I'm running on empty, I've lost all hope.

I might survive this, but I'll never be the same.

I want a new face.

I need a new name.

Father, why do you let me hurt like this?

I feel from my suffering, you are getting bliss.

You take all the good && let me drown in the bad.

I can't remember the happiness I once had.

I've lost some friends && I'm in pain.

People call me crazy && think I'm insane.

Father, please take me home.

I'm bleeding from the heart && my will to live is gone.

9/1/06

Get You

----------

Running away.

Crawling away.

You promised you'd stay.

I can blow you away;;

With a pistol or a .45.

Bullets in my brain.

Just thinking of you makes me fucking insane.

Your name

is engraved on every brick in this well lit city.

But you've been busy.

&&Then we're on your basement floor.

I've never felt like this before...

5/26/06

Lust && Cocaine

-------------------

I wish I may.

I wish I might,

Fucking slit my throat tonight.

&&If I do it deep enough,

I'll bleed to death with just one cut.

&&I might just hate you.

&&I might just fight.

For you thought you were always right.

&&As your car drove in my driveway,

I knew it was time to cut you away.

Because I can't stand the memories.

&&I can't stand the pain.

&&You just fell to your knee's,

Screaming out my name.

But I forgot you.

Yes, I did.

For all the times you wished you were rid of me.

You never fucking cared about me, you stupid fuck.

Just shut the fuck up already.

You have me.

JUST NOT ALIVE.

15.

I can feel the darkness creeping over me && I can't move.

But I can't sit still.

I should've told you no, but I hate being alone.

They dissolve into happiness && you can be free.

California, here we come.

I'm so dizzy.

Passed out on Brockway.

Two letters short of the real thing.

&& I can see so many stars.

They let me go.

But I'm suffocating.

He comes in heartbeats.

Skips;;He's gone.

Forever.

Now I'm unhappy.

I just want to numb myself until sobriety goes away.

We make our own musicals && drama hit series down here.

We'll never leave, but we'll always wish we had.

Michigan.

Not a place for dreams.

Death.

Denial.

Decay.

I'm being loud, but she's too far gone to notice me.

This room makes me 15 again...

I'm caught in between.

I'm neither here nor there.

I'm not out, but down;;

For the third count.

You mean so much, but feel so little.

And she lies about her past.

Kill the basset hound with one bullet...or a socket wrench.

RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES.

I'm doing fine, Sweetheart.

How's your arm?

You cut yourself && smile.

Sick, sick child.

I'm 15 15 15 15 15 15 15.

One more time.

Can't get him back.

His heart skipped a beat.

&& Tore in half.

He doesn't have 2.

He doesn't have 1.

Half to her.

Half to me.

I got the expired half.

CAN'T GET OUT.

I'd still die for him...

2/9/08

Tiny Bubbles

---------------

A watery grave would make for the perfect bed for your fucked up friends.

Down in a place where their lungs will be introduced to water.

Where gasping for air is natural.

Everybody does it.

So I won't have to see visions of you kissing her anymore.

So I can finally try && live my life.

Somebody cut the brake line.

These assholes are going down.

If you want her, go && get her.

Just don't keep me around.

Because the longer we place this game,

the further I'm going down;;

To places where I lose myself && think of ways to dispose of my body after taking you with me.

Just you wait && see.

8/13/08

Undone

----------

11 O'Clock && your kiss burns my brain.

I throw it around, it drives me insane.

I'd always mean it, but you never would.

This whole thing I never quite understood.

I'd die for you life.

I'd live for your soul.

But you pushed me way out of control.

Mmy closure came through blood && fists.

I never wanted it to end like this.

You'll move on.

I'll smile && wave.

We'll never forget what happened that day.

But I must let go because my thoughts come undone.

I am your trigger.

You are my gun.

5/22/08

Nothing At All
-----------------

Don't be so sad, you know it will end.

When guns to the head are the latest trend.

My masterpiece of strength && will were the best works of a tragedy still.

Corrupt me at best && I'll be your worst.

Caring too much is my only curse.

Sadness I swallow && happiness I grieve.

The life you recommended is too hard to lead.

When faces of the past come steal your last breath,

you're finally free from all of the rest.

I ruined myself by loving your soul.

Without you now, I am nothing at all...

4/9/08

..
----

You never know until it's gone.

Words of pain become the song.

&&I will forget everything that comes to you.

Because that's all that I can do.

4/6/08

.
----

Bury me above the clouds. Safe, away && far from doubt.

2/12/08

1. I'll scream until my chest caves in, maybe then this game will end.
2. Kill or be killed, well, I'm already dead. So tell me what you're gonna do with a gun to your head?
3. I'll dream dreams of needful things, memories && wishful thinking. Tonight I'll be carried off to places I don't want to go. Where faces of my past will smother me && never let me go.
4. There's a gun in my mouth && I can't pull the trigger. A broken smile, with a broken finger.
5. If the house was burning I wouldn't run. You are the trigger && I am the gun.

1/1/08

96 Crazy Fists
-----------------

What were you thinking?

Destroying my insides like this?

Ripping my heart out && leaving it in the open.

Well, now it'll be tattooed on my arm.

Not broken, but whole, from the new life I have been given.

From someone you won't ever have the chance to know.

You looked me straight in the eye && told me,

"I'm doing this because I hate you."

That's when I knew for sure that you meant it.

You fucking meant it.

You don't love me.

You never want me back.

You were just a dream I once had, about a girl I never knew...

Where love bloomed && died, but never really grew.

3/30/09(2)

Don't look back, don't say a word.

You will be killed, you will be cursed.

Walk away, no, run faster.

True love is all you're after.

Someone to love you && someone to care.

Someone to hold you when you get scared.

Someone to stitch up your bleeding wrists.

Someone to help you fucking get through this.

3/30/09

They don't understand.
&&Now I know why.
I hang my head towards the fading light.
My heart just stopped && there I choke.
I've always been everyone's favorite joke.